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It seems like there is a television show for everything now! Alaskan people, swamp people, farm people, people with a ton of kids, people with no kids, little people, big people, single people, married people, gypsies… every kind of person alive seems represented by not only one, but several reality TV shows, not to mention sitcoms. It got me thinking about where my family would fit in on the small screen…

1. Parenthood
We aren’t as nice as the Braverman clan but between all of our extended family, we have quite a few similar characters. That is why that show is so great – it is very relatable. I like to think of myself as Christina…minus the daughters, cancer, and run for mayor…ok, maybe I’m not Christina. Jasmine! No, I’m not cool enough to be Jasmine…what ever, I love Parenthood ok?

2. Hoarders
As I explained yesterday, we cleaned our garage over the weekend. While we managed to throw away a ton of useless stuff, we still kept a lot of other useless stuff memorabilia. Between my husband and I, there is a considerable collection of pictures, letters, magazines, newspapers, concert tickets and clothing; some dating back to the 1980’s. I have the positive pregnancy tests from both boys (who doesn’t like a peed on stick?) and all of our hospital wrist bands from their deliveries. He has posters from boxing matches that took place ten years ago, and we both have cassette and VHS tape collections. Thankfully, we draw the line way before expired food and used diapers. There’s hope for us!

3. Animal Cops
Have you ever watched an episode of Animal Cops where they are dispatched to a house full of feral cats? You know, the episode where animal control has to bring in sixty pet taxis and start chasing felines all over the house, pulling them from rafters, out from under stair cases and furniture while the cats are screaming and scratching them to pieces. Then they have to stuff their writhing, clawing bodies into the confines of the carrier? Yeah. That’s what I feel like trying to get out of my house sometimes. Only instead of sixty cats, it’s one stubborn two year old. And instead of a pet taxi, it’s a car seat.

4. Roseanne
Overweight, middle class, sarcastic, white couple with a few sassy yet lovable kids, who are stretching dollars to make ends meet… that’s us! If only my sister lived close enough to be our Aunt Jackie…

5. What Not To Wear
Pretty much my whole closet. Staci and Clinton would have a field day with me. I am freezing today because the sweater I brought to work with me is so pilled it looks like I threw it in the washer with a roll of toilet paper. I did not notice this until I left the house since I literally get dressed in the dark. I dress in the dark because the possibility of wearing two different shoes or a sweater made of lint is less frightening than the idea of waking up kids with bright lights even a second earlier than I need them to be awake. Make over please!

6. Chopped
Three mystery ingredients and very limited time to pull a meal together? Welcome to dinner at our place! Unfortunately, my pantry and fridge leave much to be desired, and no one ever gives me $10,000 even if they really liked my concoction. Which brings me to…

7. Hell’s Kitchen
While trying to present an edible meal with whatever I have on hand with limited time, I usually have at least one person screaming at me, or arguing with me, or throwing dishes around, or in my ear telling me how hungry (or gunrey) they are. Nothing like cooking under pressure. I’m not afraid of Gordon Ramsay. In fact, I wish someone would kick me right out of this kitchen for good.

8. Super Nanny
Tantrums, throwing things, time-outs and general naughtiness we have plenty of…Jo Frost…not so much. We are one long super nanny episode without the nanny… maybe more like super Mommy?

9. House Crashers
We are NOT talented do it yourselfers in the home improvement area, but that doesn’t stop us from trying. We have successfully fixed a dishwasher, leaking washing machine, leaking shower head and kicked in a locked door. All projects took three times longer than they should have, were NOT done correctly or with the proper tools and the results look pretty bad. Not once has Josh Temple shown up in Lowe’s or Home Depot to help us out. Maybe I should take longer picking out the wrong tools and parts and he will.

10. Grey’s Anatomy
While our trips to the hospital have been few and far between, (Thank God!) I often times feel like I should be donning scrubs and a mask. Armed with a smart phone and conferring with my attending physician Dr. Google, I diagnose and treat all types of ailments, ranging from rashes to splinters. I however, don’t have any strong meds on hand and no one pays me their co-pays. Also, there is only one underlying love story going on and neither of us is called McDreamy.

So, as you can see we could easily have our own hit television show. I’ll just be sitting over here, waiting for my Emmy!

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