Time is speeding towards your arrival. It seems so long ago, and yet only yesterday that I saw those two pink lines and confirmed what that little voice in the back of my head had been telling me for a week. It was such an exciting morning, I was so happy, so relaxed but also a little disbelieving. I think I took four tests over the next day or two just to make sure you hadn’t disappeared or that you weren’t a figment of my imagination. I have seen you three separate times via ultrasound, each time took my breath away seeing how much you grew, and changed, and just how miraculous you truly are. I have read about and followed your growth and progress with amazement and wonder, though I have felt less obsessive and less concerned than I was when I was carrying your brother. It has allowed me to sleep better, worry less and be more patient. It has allowed me to enjoy you. You are incredibly active, and you make my belly contort and jump in very strange ways. You are strong and your kicks and punches actually hurt! Your constant movement keeps you on my mind all day (and night!) not that I could forget about you anyway, you’ve made my belly enormous!
As the days fly past me, I grow more and more excited to meet you. I am so curious about what you will look like, and who you will be. Will your temperament be easy going or demanding? Will you have an easy time nursing and sleeping? Will you be cuddly or need your own space? Will you look just like your Daddy and Big Brother or will you favor me? There are so many things I can’t wait to learn about you!
You are already so special to me as the “second child,” because I too am a second child. I am also a middle child and if we are so blessed, you will be as well. This is something that I understand and can share some tips with you as you grow. It is not always as easy position to be in within a family. Sometimes, you may feel a little lost, a little less important, a little like you just blend in to the surroundings without the ability to stand out and demand your piece of the attention and action. You may feel bossed around by an older brother who gets to do more and knows more, while forced to be mindful of a younger sibling who gets away with everything and has less responsibility. I assure you, you will never be less important than any other member of our family. I encourage you to speak up and stand out when you want to. To find your voice if you feel you’ve been wronged. I promise to do my best to make sure you have a chance to do so, and also your fair share of one on one time with your Dad and Me.
I promise to resist the urge to compare your milestones to your brother’s. I know you are not him, I know you may do things faster or slower or differently, and that is completely fine with me. I want you to grow at your own pace and do things according to your own time table. While your brother is wonderful and we love him to the ends of the Earth and beyond, you too are wonderful and we will love you to the ends of the Earth and beyond because of who YOU are, not because you do things the way he does.
I’ve thought many times about how I could love another child as much as I love my first child. I’ve figured it out. You love many people in life in many different ways. There is of course romantic love which is a completely different story all together. (More on that when you’re older.) Then there is the love you have for your parents, siblings, and friends. Within each of those groups, you love equally. I could never decide who I love more between my sisters; they are both my sisters and I love them completely. They both have strengths, they both have weaknesses. They are very different from each other, yet I love them the same. If I had to choose between them, I could not. This goes for my parents as well. I love my Dad, I love my Mom…to choose whom I love more would be impossible! And so, it is the same with your children. Loving a child is the most intense, incredible, mind-blowing, and soul changing love that there is. It could never be reduced, so that means it must multiply!
Always remember Grant, whether you are our second and final child or our second of twenty; you are an unbelievable gift to us. I already love you so much, and I know when we officially meet and I get to hold you in my arms, I will love you even more. I’m so very excited to watch you grow up, to share your life, to be your Mom.
I love you always,